The Life Of A “PK”

I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to blog, but I’ve been so busy.  There’s just not enough hours in a day……

Building from my last blog, I was sharing an experience from childhood that had an effect on me.  But it was nothing compared to what was ahead……

You know it’s bad enough when puberty hits a teenager, but a teenage preacher’s daughter in my opinion is worst.  I remember at 13 just trying to fit in and find out who I was….but I never thought it would be that difficult.  As a preacher’s kid, I knew scripture and biblical principles because my mother taught us at home…but when I would answer questions in Sunday School or volunteer for something at church…no one ever really contributed anything I did to my personal study or anything like that, it was always said that I got positions or parts in the holiday plays because my father is the pastor.  So I did what any kid would do, I stopped volunteering, studying and answering questions.  I begin to rebel because I wanted my peers to think I was just like them.  All through my teenage years, this was my mentality.  “I can do what you can do, but I can do it better…..”  I didn’t realize that I was on the road to distruction.  At this point in my life, I wanted nothing to do with this whole Image, or lifestyle.  I didn’t want anyone to know who I was or my family name.  By this time the lies and rumors of my father made it from just around the church to around the city.  I remember being in the beauty salon and of course the topic of discussion was my father.  I remember kids at my school talking about what their parents were saying about my father….It was almost like being in a small room and the walls were closing in on me…..I hated this life!!!!  But I’ll tell you, I had a praying Mother in my house, who prayed for me even when I didn’t know she was praying.  When I didn’t want to do anything at my church, it would be my mother who would encourage me to do it God’s way.  She was determined not to loose me to the nonsense of this lifestyle…..  I am so grateful for my mother!!!!  Even when I think about it now tears fill my eyes because I remember what I felt during those times.  I didn’t know who was really my friends…there were girls at the church and in my neighborhood who would be my friends one day and talk about me and threaten to beat me up the next day. If there was a boy who liked me they would tell him something negative about me to change his feelings….But that was my past!!!  God has truly blessed me in my present through my past hurts and pains…..I have a wonderful life now and I thank God for that.  I just want to use this method to help someone else who may have gone through what I went through or is going it now…..just know that God can use those hurts to help you if you just keeping trusting in him…….

Keep me in your prayer because I’m going through some of those things again because my daughter is 13 and we’re still at the church where I grew up…My Dad is still the Pastor and My Husband is His Assistant…….Pray for Me!!!!

Until the next blog……Be Blessed!

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

From the age of around 1 to the age of 13, I was receiving formal training on how to act like a Christian Young Lady.  From the slap on my hand, to the belt across my bottom, my parents were training me.  I was taught how to say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”; “yes sir” and “no sir.”  I was taught how to say, “please” and “thank you.”  All these things prepared me for what was to come.  I had no idea that God wold put me in the position to test my training.  Imagine sitting in the house of a church member after worship….sitting at the table preparing to eat all the whild the topic of discussion is the Pastor…which just so happens to be my father.  I hearing how no good he is and how he’s a womanizer and how he has children everywhere…and then all of a sudden, a plate of food is placed in front of me…now I’m stuck in a dilemma!  So, I do what I was taught to do…I said “thank you” and kept my mouth shut…think about how that worked on me mentally and emotionally…I had to sit there and act like that conversation wasn’t bothering me.  I kept smiling and saying “thank you” and all those other pleasantries…..but know that I was crying on the inside…that was just one of so many incidents, but thorugh it all, I did what good little Christian girls was supposed to do….especially that of the Pastor’s Daughter. 

There was a Degree Deodorant commercial that was out a while ago with the slogan, “Don’t let ‘em see you sweat….”

That’s the lesson I learned….even-though I know I’m being talked about, lied on, critiized, may be even laughed at…I think about that slogan….”don’t let ‘em see you sweat!”  This is a hard lesson to learn especially if you didn’t ask to be in this kinda limelight.  But I heard the Apostle Paul say, “All things worketh together for the good of them who love the Lord and who are the called according to His purpose….”

Until the next blog……….. 

From day one, I’ve always been taught that there was a certain image we as the Pastor’s family was to uphold….You know there’s this saying that Preacher’s Kids are the worst kids….well that’s only because Preacher’s Kids were held to a higher standard than other children.  Now don’t get me wrong, of course you want your children to be good children, but at 5 or 6 years old, all I wanted to be was a child.  I didn’t know nor did I care about image, all I wanted was the love and support of my father.  Those early years I remember just wanting my father to be at my school functions but there was always things going on at the church or with some member of the church.  When I wanted to cry or be upset because he missed something important to me, I couldn’t because that wasn’t the image we were building.

It was so difficult for me, so I surpressed those feelings only to develope an Ulser at the age of 14…

You know image says, what goes on at home stays at home….when we would be at the church, we had to act like everything was good and we where happy….well I wasn’t!  Was I selfish…..well maybe!  What child isn’t selfish at that age?  I didn’t understand that whole sharing my father with everyone in the congregation and abroad.  I just wanted a normal life where we ate dinner together, went to the park, went to the movie or just sat on the floor and played games…well that wasn’t the case…I mean Mama did her best, but when you’re a daddy’s girl, nothing will help the sadness of daddy not being there.

Someone asked me, “how much time would you have been happy with?”  I thought about it for a minute and said, “more time than he was willing to give…”  What did I mean by that?   Well, to me just as the main point of being a good servant is the “willingness to serve,” the main point of being a good parent is the “willingness to spend time with your children.”  I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true…   As I study more and am enlightened more, I understand that there are certain things that can take the back burner when it comes to family.  I know some of you, who are preachers/pastors may not agree with me; I’m not asking you too agree, I’m just asking you to hear and listen from the heart of a preacher’s kid.  When you show your child that they are a priority in your life and ministry, it will make a world of difference.  I don’t blame my father, I understand now that it was just that era…..preacher’s during that time didn’t know how to separate and balance their life, and because of that, their families suffered. 

Well, did I ever get that whole image thing……..STAY TUNED TO THE NEXT BLOG!!!!!

Well it happened….not by my choice but by God’s choice! I was born in August of 1969.  I never knew the life that would be ahead of me.  I never knew the love – hate relationships I would encounter.  I never knew the lonliness I would feel…or the heartbreak that is still somewhat unmended.  Here I am this little being with ten little fingers, ten little toes and an open heart ready to love….I never knew!

It started with family saying that I was too light skinned to have their blood running through my veins….I must have been someone else’s child….but what they didn’t know or expect is that I am someone else’s child…..I am a Child of the King!  The word of God tells me that before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He already ordained me to be someone special.  Although I didn’t know that then, when I look back over all the thing’s I went through, I can see God’s hand in every facit of my life…..the good! the bad! and the ugly!!!!!

Being a preacher/pastor’s daughter truly has it’s setbacks but truly the rewards will be greater……

THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY!!!!!!!!

STAY TUNED……………………….